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08:22am 21/04/2006
  oh man
totally haven't been on here for a while
my back hurts
im tired
fuck work
my birthday was shitty
but lives been mmm-mmm goooood
 
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03:58pm 30/03/2006
 
mood: dorky






haha pics from monday and tuesday... until my camera started acting stupid
more and better ones coming up!!!
 
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03:02pm 29/03/2006
 
mood: tired
wow haven't updated for an eternity

finished taping the new Panic! At the Disco music video last night after 14 straight hours :(
my feet KILLLL
and ive come to the conclusion, stereotypical or not, ANYBODY WHO IS INTO DRAMA IS WEIRDDDDD
and eric is a doll for letting me crash at his place cuse we didn't finsih filming until 5am


and my nailpolish is chipping... and it made me nails turn yellow
 
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12:03am 04/01/2006
  careful when going over to a boy's house who you think MIGHT like you
cuse then when his friends are drunk
theyll make a big scene in front of you
and pretend like they aren't drunk and not being loud
about how he likes you
 
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10:25pm 02/01/2006
  ok well people are making like new years resolution and saying how they are goign to change their lives and stuff....

well i have picked my songs for certain situations


IF I DIE IN A CAR CRASH SONG: Last Kiss, Ricky Nelson
IF I DIE FOR ANY OTHER REASON SONG: Tears in Heaven, Eric Clapton
MARRAIGE SONG: More Than Words Can Say, Eric Clapton
FIRST TATTOO SONG: I Wanna Get Mohawk, AFI
BEST FRIEND CHEATS ON MY BF SONG: r-e-s-p-e-c-t, Aretha Franklin
FIRST TIME ON ECSTACY SONG: L'Via L'Viaquez, The Mars Volta
IF MY BF CANT GET AN ERECTION SONG: Erection, The Faint
SEX WITH MY FIRST UNDERAGED BOY: Billie Jean, Michael Jackson

HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH
okok
well the first three were serious....
 
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love   
08:34pm 28/12/2005
  i always wondered what "love" was...
what it felt like,
what you were supposed to feel,
how exactly you were supposed to KNOW...
if you were in love or not.

and its been screaming at me for years
hidden away with that fragile boy,
behind the giant of a man body.

The boy that would tell me i was gorgeous
without straightened hair,
with no makeup,
and even when my mom was embarrased to
be seen in public with me.
Who would make me feel safe
when we were in the slums of LA.
Who i would drive for in the middle of the night
through bums and crack addicts to cuddle with
and be told that our bodies fit perfectly together.
And they did.
We were content with just sitting.
talking.
thinking.
touching.
exploring.
He hated this city, got kicked out of his dads house.
But drove hours, he told me, just to see me.
Smartest guy i even knew.
With the worst family to ever have.
An unsupportive family who wants you gone.
He never used that as an excuse to slack off.
The most perfect and handsome looking guy youll
ever see.
And i don't realize how much ive meant to him
and how much him to me,
until tonight,
when he tells me that hes never looked at
or cared,
just plain gave up,
on girls
after i kicked him out of my house a few months ago.
Hes told me he doesn't know why he keeps coming back
after i treat him like dirt.
I think i treat him like dirt only cuse i knows hes coming back.
this last time he didn't though.
And just by chance, today, i built up enough courage to talk to him.
And he tells me hes moving to oregon tomorrow.
By chance or by God we were somehow meant for eachother.
Last week Chris told me that he knows i love him.
And i thought it odd.
But i didn't know others saw it.
And he told me that hell be back in cali if his dad doesn't get better from the illness.
And i secretly don't want his dad to get better.
But thast selfish of me.
When i could have had these past few montsh to spend with him.
But no,
i took for grantit that he was always there for me.
I took for grantid my best friend and mistook his
sincere compliments as flattery for my ego.
I took for grantid him driving to irvine to visit me
and treated him like trash and like every other guy i know
when he was more.

And as the 5th time of The Moonlight Sonata is coming to an end,
i have learned (in a painful way)
to treasure everyone you have
and NEVER take your good friends for grantid.
Cuse you never know when theyll be gone.
And stupid me, blinded by my ego,
have lost to distance the only boy who truely cares about me
and me for him
And wasn't convinced of anything he said.


Today i found out what love is
and to oregon goes a part of me
i never knew existed.
 
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10:16pm 26/12/2005
  i got kick ass presents
and i realized....
that i know some of the best most virtuous people
as well as the dirt scum people of society
i wish i didn't

and i have major relationship issues....
or maybe i don't
i just like being independent
 
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12:05am 24/12/2005
  PSS

yeah be stoked you got a 4.0....
AT A COMMUNITY!!


bahahahahahhaha
 
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12:01am 24/12/2005
  some people just amaze me...
makes me want to sneak into their room and suffocate them

i want to be in a kung fu movie
i also want to jump through a ring of fire
i also want to own my own helicopter

i don't want to get married
i don't want to have children
i think im just really immature
sometimes i wonder if i even really want a bf now
(i love him to death though)

ugh i hope i snap out of this within the next few years


i dont' want to end up like those 35 year old hag women looking for some luvin on myspace






PS
josh's grandma is amazing. She made josh's ex cry by saying she had no eyebrows
and said that i was way better loooking than her

<3
 
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05:56pm 20/12/2005
  so last night
went to the whiskey for some party.
Gus got me and we picked up vic
Met Adam and Heather
that party was sort of lame
since when has it been mandatory to dress slutty on your birthday
we left
went to Shady Jeff's new place in hollywood

it was nice
i miss everybody


now i think im sick
:(
 
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05:55pm 20/12/2005
  my amazing boyfriend had emerency surgery on his throat last night
cuse he was coughing up blood
:(
im really scared

and i miss him so much




i miss joshie
 
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06:54am 11/12/2005
  threw a motel party last night in Ventura with Brenda, Dylan, and Keil
i met the 2 most amazing people ever.
This couple abotu ready to get married. Just too much to tell
crazzzzzzzzzzyyyy night

and its too early... and i forgot what i was going to write
the suns coming up already.
goddamn it


PS
vaginas are gross
 
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05:30pm 03/12/2005
  Crazy night. Scariest life event happened
SAE boys are the hottest
and i love my life and my friends
Josh is my slave for 24 hours cuse i beat him in ping pong
Careful, cuse your hall mates with think fishy things
when you are screaming at 3 in the morning...
but it was cuse josh was biting me...
but they don't know that

i have some brutal bite marks



PS
Bazzel is border line obsessed... its creepy.
And i border line feel like i need to get a restraining order
 
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01:16am 28/11/2005
  its sort of cool when you accidentally kiss somebody FOR SERIOUSLY 2 SECONDS while you are drunk...
mind you.... this was in the FARTHEST corner in the back of moscow

and it seriously spreads through half of LA and all of OC... (well the important people)


ummm yeahh... sort of weird
but i guess thats what you get for not having to wait in moscow's ridiculous lines cuse the owner and the bouncers take you and your guests to the front. every freaking week thank you

mmmhmm a 1 to 2 hour wait gone becuase you look mmm-mmm goooood

In the words of Ryan "you act like a fucking princess cuse you always get what you want. Good thing we are just friends cuse i think wed be too much for eachother"

haha coming from mister cocky himself


OHHH MAN I LOVE MY LIFE
 
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01:23am 23/11/2005
  so im TOTALLY leading this one kid on....
and i hope its not jsut cuse i want a super duper nicee/expensive x mas present
but i think i have to stop....


but then there is this other kid
but he always talks abotu other girls in front of me
and he blatently said
"you aren't my type"
but then.... the other things he does and says

or is he just doing what im doing to the other guy??

hmmm...


WHOOT THANKSGIVING!!!
 
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11:22pm 20/11/2005
  the best D&G shirt with Elvis on it.....

Fucked layla's shit up with Josh today 'i fight tards'
hahaha
the best
my stomach still hurts from laughing so much
went to get sushi with him


had the most AMAZING night last night...
first bar experience with Jimmy. It was such a nice place super ritzy and what not
probably really expensive.
but i didn't have to pay :)

just got really drunk cuse they kept feeding us booze.
After hour dance party with the employees after though cuse Jimmy's uncle owns the place
still stupier drunk for most of teh afternoon today
 
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DYLAN'S BIRTHDAY!   
01:05am 13/11/2005
 
 
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10:27pm 11/11/2005
 







i love everybody
and i love how bazzel always comes hangs out with me.
and i love my new scarf/glasses look
 
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11:17am 09/11/2005
  HEY YOU GET OFF OF MY CLOUD!


omg SOOOOO jealous
a bunch of my moms friedns went to the Stones concert

OHHHH god...
once in a life time chance
but for hundreds


UGHHHHHHH BEST ADN MOST INFLUENTIAL BAND EVER
 
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01:45am 08/11/2005
  Hanging out with Bazzle a lot
:)

ummm
im finally about to wind down and crash after seriously no sleep this week and a non stop 10-5pm day of school
:(

midterm tomorrow

you must remmeber that drugs are drugs
and any drug is addicting


Nikki: pull yourself together
 
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